Frustrated
Dear Dr. Katz
I am a social worker who is treating an adoptive mother in psychotherapy. She and her "significant other" get into terrible arguments which neither can stand. They are unable to talk without provoking each other to explode. She wants him to go into his own psychotherapy in order to keep the family together. He refuses and doesn't want to be labeled "sick". My client is satisfied with her own treatment and doesn't want any additional treatment. She needs her individual treatment and he probably does as well. What can I do to help them?
- Frustrated
Dear Frustrated
Clearly the most important objective is to keep the family intact. That might best be achieved if the "significant other" had his own treatment and perhaps for the couple to see a couple therapist but that is not possible at the moment. The immediate need is their being able to talk to each other in a way that neither of them feels hurt or threatened by the other. For that to take place they seem to require the presence of an objective third party who is trained to help them communicate yet doesn't carry the threatening title of therapist. For that they could consult with an adoption coach or with clergy who may be trained in those skills and may possess awareness of the possible adoption issues involved. Good communication is at the heart of successful relationships. Being able to engage in non-destructive dialogue helps maintain a relationship. The ability to communicate with love and understanding helps it thrive. Studies show that adopted children do best in families with good communication.
- Dr. Katz